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Mum's Guide To St Albans Blog

Having a baby whilst living away from family

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I come from a small Mediterranean Island, so in my mind, having a baby always came with images of family support on tap (largely to help me figure out what to do – as I really didn’t/don’t have a clue). However, things started going downhill when I got pregnant 2 months after my twin sister and sister-in-law (brother’s wife) got pregnant. Considering we all live in different countries (and across 3 different time zones) it was going to be very hard for them to actually be physically present. Luckily, my mum is a superwoman, and she spent 4 months travelling between the three siblings spreading her super nanna magic potion as needed. But it was not going to be possible for my siblings to be there, and alas after a while super nanna had to leave. Most of our friends in the UK didn’t have babies, and my family who actually did were at least 1 flight away. I used to get (irrationally) jealous when I heard others mentioning that ‘my mum is driving down this weekend to come visit as we are all ill with a sickness bug’ or ‘my sister is visiting this weekend and taking the baby out so we could sleep’.

But what have I learnt through all this? Firstly – People really do care. Very often people who don’t really know me at all, and I would never have expected them to care. First up Preggers St Albans and Harpenden 2018 facebook group. Here, I found a group of women who truly support each other (24/7 thanks to Whatsapp). This is where I turn to when I need to know what is the best thing for a sniffly baby (there is such a thing as a a snot sucker!); need a push to do some exercise (still a work in progress); share a love for all things sweet (and a particular homemade olive bread); and go out on great nights out. Do join your local group and make sure to link up with them – if nothing seems to be happening just send a friendly message saying anyone up for a coffee/walk/playdate tomorrow – I am sure that you will have many that are very happy you took that first step.

I am also grateful to my GP surgery (the Maltings) – to the nurse who saw Luke and me one day after a particularly hard night – thank you for calling me again a few days later to check up on me and making sure I was aware of the support that is available. This was a great comfort and way above their call of duty.

Secondly, just because your family is far away (and busy with newborns of their own), we are lucky to live in a digital era. Our family whatsapp, and a second whatsapp group for my sister, sister in law and I has been really busy. We share ‘win of the day’ (including breastfeeding a baby in their car seat whilst in a moving car (one benefit of big floppy boobs); ‘pro-mummy tips’ (including if you have a sleeping baby and you’re putting him in his bed in the middle of the night, do not smash his head into the bed frame) and photos (many photos) of poop.

Thirdly, google knows all. Yes, sometimes it is a scary place, but overall, it can be useful – your baby just fell off the bed (or table – though I won’t admit to that) and cried for 2 seconds and now seems OK – should I call an ambulance? I learned that unless they are vomiting then you are likely to be OK – just watch them. Is it normal for my son to poop 8 times a day (unfortunately – or possibly fortunately – it seems that up to 10 times a day is normal!!).

Lastly, my husband and I are a team – and through the ups and downs we are there for each other. He has always been a hands on husband who does much more than his fair share of housework etc. (I am the one who shirks all things domestic). However, I have seen a new side of him that I am in awe of – when I just want to curl up and sleep, he will play with Luke and make him smile and giggle; and when I leave him on his own for the day to do a work keep-in-touch (KIT) day, I come home to a happy Luke, food cooked and a clothes wash done. It is a great feeling to know I can depend on him (and hopefully vice versa).

In the end, it is true that it takes a village to raise a child. Just that in this case this village is slightly atypical – partly people who actually live where I am (so far so normal), partly people living thousands of miles away, and partly people who you never meet or get to know. If you are in a similar position, with minimal effort (join a facebook group, put some words in google, ask a question on whattsapp) you will definitely create your own special village.
 

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