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Going dotty over the potty


Out of all the child-rearing challenges a parent has to face Potty Training has got to be up there with the worst. Even 4th time round I can’t get my head around it (and clearly neither can the toddler!). I get very little done even on a good day but add a potty and wet pants and I seem to be running around like a mad woman cleaning, emptying, washing, changing, scrubbing, cleaning, chocolate-giving, praising, cleaning, crying (me, not the dude)…how long does this take again? I tried a few weeks ago when there was a definite interest in all things toilet-related but the novelty wore off after the first 12 hours. I thought I had a genius child and was just about to sign him up to MENSA then Day 2 it was as though I was torturing him. No amount of watching Fireman Sam whilst sitting on the potty promising chocolates and other lovely things was producing a result. But here we are, thrown into starting again (against both our wills) 2nd time round.

After a day at Granny’s with no nappies left in the bag, standing at his big brother’s school football match and a distinct smell is wafting in the air. There were pants in the classroom loos and we had another hour to wait. Too long for a poo to sit unattended and school pants are fun it seems and shouldn’t be wet. Four days later and so far a much better attempt from both of us to make this work. A lot of chocolate has been consumed (it’s amazing how one can force out even the tiniest dribble for a chocolate button) and I’m constantly on edge. We no longer talk. I’m just studying facial expressions and asking desperately when he looks ‘thoughtful’ – “Toilet? Potty? Wee wee? Poo? Chocolate?…RUN! QUICK! PANIC! Made it. Oh. Is that it? Is that because with all the waiting for something to happen I’ve forgotten to give you a drink and you’re staring into space because you’re so dehydrated you’re hallucinating?” Damn it. How many children do I need to have before I get this parenting malarkey right?

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